It’s the supplement that boosts your body, mind and wellbeing. Follow the MH guide to wolfing down your recommended daily allowance of nature’s finest – and most fun – pick-me-up
Available today, a regular intake of this health-giving nutrient will change your life. It’s the best thing out there for a man who wants to protect himself from cancer, heart attacks, stress and more. If you want to feel physically better, mentally stronger and have a jolly good time while you do so, then this supplement is for you. It’s not new, and don’t worry, it’s not a scam – it’s called sex. It’s free (usually) and you can start your course of treatment whenever you feel like it. Which, Mouithsone Magazine advises, should be as soon as the object of your affection agrees to administer the relevant prescription.
The positive benefits of this truly miraculous health supplement depend upon how often you take it. From once a week to every day, here’s how many servings you need and, because we know you want only the best results, which foods work best with the supplement to both magnify its effects and make sex as enjoyable as possible. Always store in a safe place (and keep out of the reach of children).
Strip away stress
Dosage 1 serving per week
Information A single dose of sex during the week will release an effective amount of the stress-relieving hormone oxytocin. According to research conducted at the University of Paisley in Scotland, this level of oxytocin results in decreased blood pressure during stressful situations such as public speaking.
Directions Best taken early in the day to reduce anxiety during waking hours. The dosage of oxytocin will still be effective in the evening, but be careful: the hormone will also cause drowsiness if you are physically fatigued and can lead to unexpected – and even spontaneous – sleep.
Warning Do not try to administer this supplement on your own. Oxytocin release is only triggered by penetrative sex. Best taken with greens All green vegetables are extremely rich in magnesium, a deficiency of which, according to a study published in the journal Neuropharmacology, encourages the firing of the human stress response. The folic acid in leafy vegetables, especially kale and spinach, also increases histamine production in women and therefore her ability to achieve orgasm. So you can calm down while she’s getting excited.
Pump your heart
Dosage 2 servings per week
Information As far as your cardiovascular health goes, the term ‘horizontal jogging’ is no joke. A study of a thousand users over a 16-year-period at the New England Research Institute in Massachusetts proved that sex twice weekly reduces your risk of life-threatening heart conditions by 45% compared with those on a dosage of sex once a month or less.
Directions Split your two recommended servings over the course of the week for best results. Going beyond the emotional factors attached to being in an intimate relationship (because, if you’re honest, it’s quite nice), your heart will benefit from the prolonged cardiovascular exercise that sexual activity provides.
Best taken with bananas A single banana provides energy, and also delivers a dose of the B vitamins your body requires to synthesise this energy effectively, improving both sexual stamina and muscular endurance during your exertions. High levels of potassium will improve the function of all muscles, including your heart’s ability to contract efficiently, says the American Heart Association. Therefore assisting normal, rhythmic pumping.
Use sexual healing
Dosage 3 servings per week
Information Three bouts of sex per week boosts your immune system’s ability to identify and stave off illness by 30%. Research at Wilkes University in the US has shown that sex two-to-three times every seven days prompted the largest jump in production of Immunoglobin A – antibodies which help fight off the common cold and influenza.
Directions Only use in a safe environment. While the tri-weekly dosage will help to build up your immunity, academics at the University of San Francisco have confirmed that sexually active men are more exposed to infectious agents, making them more susceptible to illness in the first place.
Best taken with pomegranate This fruit is extremely high in antioxidants, which protect the lining of your blood vessels to stimulate blood flow and enhance genital sensitivity. The oil in the seeds bolsters your defences against sickness by strengthening your immune system.
Stay the course
Dosage 4 servings per week
Information Practice makes perfect. The results of a five-year study of 1,000 Finnish men in the American Journal of Medicine show that men who have sex at least four times a week reported 50% less incidence of even the most mild erectile dysfunction than participants on a once-a- week programme.
Directions Take your supplement first thing in the morning. In the same study, it was discovered that a lack of morning erections was one of the key signifiers of developing erectile dysfunction: men with only one occurrence of morning glory per week are more likely to develop a dysfunction.
Important Always finish the course. Even if you have missed a dose earlier in the week, the desired 50% boost to your erectile strength requires the full recommended amount be administered.
Best taken with ginseng The traditional libido root has some modern scientific backing, with the Yonsei University College of Medicine’s department of urology finding it to be of equal effectiveness in stimulating healthy erections as PDE5 inhibitors used in the treatment of erectile dysfunction. Take one 100-200mg tablet per day.
Dosage 5 servings per week
Information As the old saying sort of goes: you’re only as old as how often you feel a woman. Or, more accurately, participants in a University of Pittsburgh study estimated the ages of people who averaged sex over four times a week, guessing them on average to be 12 years younger than their actual ages. The research states that the regular release of testosterone benefits your appearance by increasing the skin’s elasticity.
Directions Take this supplement in conjunction with a regime of regular exercise for double the results.
Testosterone naturally improves your muscle’s ability to synthesise protein, thereby magnifying muscular growth from your gym sessions. You read that correctly: having more sex will keep you looking younger and maximise your workout gains. As the saying absolutely goes: it’s a win-win situation.
Best taken with avocado The abundance of the nutrient lutein in the fruit strengthens cellular structures, helping to prevent macular degeneration, or the cellular decay associated with visible signs of ageing. Vitamin B6 also further assists with yet more male hormone production. A fruitful investment all round.
Love losing weight
Dosage 6 servings per week
Information A one-month course of sex six times a week is enough to effortlessly burn off 0.5kg of fat. If maintained for a year, this dosage will make you 6kg slimmer and an almost unquantifiable percentage happier.
Directions Suitable for anyone wanting to burn 144 calories every half an hour while spiking your heart rate from 70bpm to 150bpm – close to the training intensity levels maintained by an elite athlete. Which you are, of course.
Please note Should be taken in addition to, rather than as a replacement of, regular exercise for the full fat-burning effect.
Best taken with asparagus At four calories per spear and one of the most nutrient-dense vegetables out there, asparagus should always be one of your five-a-day. For your partner, its Vitamin E aids testosterone, oestrogen and progesterone production, stimulating sexual responses such as clitoral swelling and vaginal lubrication.
Screw the big C
Dosage 7 servings per week
Information When it comes to cancer, always use protection. According to the British Journal of Urology International, men who ejaculate seven times a week see an incredible 33% reduction in their risk of prostate cancer, compared to those on a less regular dose of sex. It’s the sort of prescription you’ve been waiting for.
Directions Take this supplement once a day, every day until further notice. If you happen to miss a serving, take a double dose on the following day. However, you should feel free to exceed the daily recommended intake whenever the opportunity presents itself. After all, it would be rude not to.
Best taken with watermelon If you desire the cancer-proofing effects of this dosage, the most important thing is getting it consistently. The phytonutrient citrulline in the flesh of watermelon prompts the uptake of nitric oxide, causing increased circulation. As a result, you will become more aroused, more quickly, giving you plenty of time to enjoy your new favourite supplement.
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